Community, Communion, and a Vision of Zion

     This blog post is part two of my Community of Christ World Conference Impressions.  To read the first part of this blog series see here.

     This post is going to center on the most spiritually uplifting part of the conference that I personally attended.  This session was the Sunday Communion Service.  Videos have been added of the service for those who wish to watch them.  At the service there was a large group of tables with bread and grape juice set up on the stage at the front.  The sermon was done by the Presiding Evangelist David Brock.  This Sermon I think helps to explain the idea of what the Sacrament means in the Community of Christ. In the LDS church it is a renewal of baptismal covenants and a demonstration of the willingness to take upon oneself the name of Christ.  The Sacrament in the Utah Mormon tradition is to be taken by those who are worthy to receive of the emblems.  Both the Community of Christ and LDS church believe the emblems of the sacrament to be a representation of Christ's body and blood. The sacrament in the Community of Christ from the little that I have observed appears to represent a uniting of the church as being one as a body in Christ.  It is viewed as a act of reconciliation with one another that promotes a oneness in the diversity and sometimes fragmentation that individuals within the local and global community can have.  David Brock says if much better than I can, here is the Communion Service Sermon below.



      Before the passing of the communion there was a Reflection on the Communion Emblems.  This video gives an artistic as well as unifying view of what the Sacrament represents to those gathered. The communion table in the Community of Christ/RLDS tradition is an open and welcoming table for all who want to come into Christ's peace and be a part of the community of believers.  This is an open communion, members and non-members can partake of the emblems.  A video on the reflections of the communion is below.



      After the Reflections on the Communion Emblems, the part of the service that I found to be the most profound was when the communion sacrament was passed to the congregation.  What I found particularly moving was the diversity of people who passed the communion.  The Sacrament was broken by the leadership of the church.  From there it was passed by a large and diverse group of people.  The people who passed the emblems were both men and women, they represented many different races, ethnicities, cultural backgrounds, dress, and sexuality.  While they passed the communion the congregation sang hymns of unity, oneness, and justice.  The Pacific Mission Choir also provided a ministry of music during the service.  It truly was profound in the symbolism of community and equality that it gave.  For me personally it seemed to represent a vision of what Zion would be like.  It was an incredible experience and one that is hard to describe.  It truly was a different experience from the sacrament experiences I had in the LDS church, although profound in its own way.  I saw a divine mission in the service that I participated in and a vision that Zion could actually be a possibility.  The service seemed to represent a vision of Zion where differences in beliefs, dress, race, culture, sexuality, and gender identities are respected and expressed authentically. Zion seemed to me then to be a place where everyone is held together by the spirit of community, equality, and selflessness that would pervade a Zion like society.  I cannot adequately described what I felt and experienced at that time.  I never knew a religious experience could feel and be presented in this particular way. It was a stark contrast to my previous experiences in the LDS church and actually changed the ways I view spirituality and my relationship with the possibility of God's existence.
       The music was provided by the Pacific Mission Field Choir. Here is a video of some of the singing that was provided by this choir during the passing of the emblems.

 

      I hope you enjoyed this blog post and my representation of this service. I tried to make it authentic to my experiences knowing that others may have felt and experienced things differently than what I had.  This may be my last post for a while on my experiences in conference and in general.  My schooling is about to start again and will probably be one of the craziest semesters I will be experiencing so far.  Hopefully I can post something during the upcoming semester.  Thank you everyone who has been reading my blog since I came out more than three years ago.  It truly has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences.  I appreciate you all joining me on this journey.  

The Need For Spiritual Safety

My heart has grown heavy once again this year over recent deaths that have occurred from the Orlando mass shooting tragedy and also in the LDS LGBTQ community with news of more suicides.  Lives with so much potential were taken from this world.  Each one of them with their own hopes, dreams, talents, and gifts, senselessly snuffed out in acts of violence.  Whether that violence comes from a person armed with hate and a gun or from a pulpit that expresses moral justification in its condemnation of LGBTQ individuals, they all have one thing in common.  Each one of them dehumanizes and degrades people based on how they love, making it easier for others to feel justified in harming them.  Whether it is with misled good intentions mixed in with a feeling of moral superiority or evil intentions that only seek to harm, the result is still the same.  Heartache, sadness, broken families, and in the worst cases the death of these precious individuals who deserved more than what society ultimately gave them.   To all the people who may read my blog who have lost someone due to suicide or some other way I am truly sorry for your loss and I know that my words won't change what has happened.  I hope that my post can help others understand and have a greater capacity to empathize with others that may be suffering.  It is my hope that some day children growing up will not experience the pain that I and so many others have experienced at the hands of those who may not understand them or what they are going through.

Not only can violence be physical, it can also be emotional through abuse and neglect, it can be verbal with speech that seeks to degrade, harm, and diminish the worth of others, and it can be spiritual.  Spiritual violence is most often, in my own experience, used unknowingly by the person using it.  It can be a sermon or a lesson in Sunday school.  It can be a side remark or comment that may be said out of ignorance.  It can be a doctrine or set of beliefs that exclude certain groups of people, making individuals into inconveniences in what some want to be a static and unchanging belief system.  Ultimately, I think the most damage comes in an LGBTQ context when someone is outed leading to religious authorities, parents, and friends who do not understand them to use religious terminology to shame or to harm in order to change the person sexual orientation.  These type of messages although maybe well intentioned most of the time harm rather than help the child.  These words and actions from loved ones and trusted authorities can lead to isolation, depression, and sorrow which can tragically lead this person to take their own life.  What messages are we sending to children who are confused and hurting when over the pulpit LGBTQ people are derided as a menace to public safety and that acceptance of gay and lesbian children somehow will bring about the destruction of the world.  What messages are being sent when children whose romantic orientation doesn't fit a specific mold are told that they shouldn't exist in a church.  What is happening when that child grows up and falls in love and then is told that the love that they feel is sinful and evil.  When parents shun them and religious leaders condemn them this is spiritual violence and tragically this has led to many suicides of young LGBTQ children throughout the years.

How do we combat spiritual violence and protect those that are victims of this violence.  In some ways it first takes introspection on our own part on how we view the God that we say that we worship.  Is our God a homophobic God, a God that encourages rhetoric that leads to the deaths of children from suicide?  Does our God delight in children being thrown out of their homes by their parents and told that God does not love them? Or does our God that we worship truly express love for everyone?  Does he see everyone as equal in his sight and does he express sadness at the offense that is committed against one of his children?  Do we see the Divine in the diversity of human relationships and how people express their love for one another?  Does our spiritual community seek to build up and welcome all people or does it place a caveat at the door that says we welcome all except for those that we find unacceptable?

I have the utmost respect for those saints who have continued to attend the LDS church after this past November.  Who have seen the bad fruit that has been wrought by the rhetoric and policies directed at the LGBTQ Mormon community and have still moved forward in seeking to be place of refuge in the church for those who need it.  For me the pain became to unbearable and I couldn't stand staying.  However, although I am no longer in attendance I have realized that simply standing on the sidelines is not an option.  I truly felt this after speaking with so many other former gay and lesbian Mormons at the Community of Christ World Conference and hearing of the near universal stories of heartache and spiritual violence that they experienced.  As individuals with shared experiences it is my hope that we can find those spiritual refugees, those individuals that have been so harmed by the rhetoric that all too often is still being used.   My hope is that we can meet them where they are and provide them a space to heal and a space to once again branch out and reach their potential whether outside or inside organized religion.  It is my hope that  hearts will be softened toward those that are different.   That spiritual safety will be found for those children who fall in love with a person of the same gender.  It is my hope that everyone born can have a place at the table.  That all people may be welcomed into a place that recognizes their true worth.  It is my hope that we all can come together and create communities that seek after peace where every child has the right to belong.

Below is a hymn that has really touched me over the past two months since I have heard it.  It is a hymn that truly embodies for me the type of spiritual community that I feel can be possible.  The lyrics and the video are posted below.

"For Everyone born, a place at the table,
for everyone born, clean water and bread,
a shelter, a space, a safe place for growing,
for everyone born, a star overhead,

For woman and man, a place at the table,
revising the roles, deciding the share,
with wisdom and grace, dividing the power,
for woman and man, a system that's fair,

For young and for old, a place at the table,
a voice to be heard, a part in the song,
the hands of a child in hands that are wrinkled,
for young and for old, the right to belong,

For just and unjust, a place at the table,
abuser, abused, with need to forgive,
in anger, in hurt, a mindset of mercy,
for just and unjust, a new way to live,

For everyone born, a place at the table,
to live without fear, and simply to be,
to work, to speak out, to witness and worship,
for everyone born, the right to be free,

Chorus
and God will delight when we are creators
of justice and joy, compassion and peace:
yes, God will delight when we are creators
 of justice, justice and joy!

World Conference 2016 - One in Christ

    This past Weekend I attended the Community of Christ World Conference in Independence Missouri.  Getting off the plane in Kansas City, I was both excited and apprehensive because I did not know what to expect at the Conference.  Luckily we met up with some other conference attendees at the airport and so were able to catch a ride with them over to Kansas City.  While in Kansas City we visited a couple of places and monuments including the National WWI memorial and museum.  The memorial provided us with a surprising starting point on this weekend conference trip.  

 Kansas City from the WWI Memorial

     When we entered the museum we walked over a glass bottomed bridge that overlooked an artificial meadow of poppy flowers.  Each flower represented 1,000 lives that were lost during that devastating and tragic war.  While still at the museum we had the opportunity to speak with a tour guide who found out that we were heading to a religious conference.  This prompted him to talk about how religion was used on both sides to justify the sending of many men to this war.  It reminded me of today and how religion is still used to justify violence against those considered the enemy or the other.  As I look back now while writing this I am struck with how poignant both the museum and the man's statements were as I embarked to a conference focused around peace and unity in Christ. 

WWI Memorial Kansas City, MO 

     After checking into the apartment that we were staying at, we took our first Uber ride from south Kansas City over to Independence where we were dropped off at the Community of Christ Auditorium.  The Auditorium is kind of like the conference center for the Utah Mormons.  It is a place where most of the legislative sessions, large meetings, and worship services take place.  Fun fact Harry Truman announced the United States signing of the United Nations Treaty at the Auditorium in 1945.  To commemorate the signing 50 years later a fountain was erected close to the Auditorium. 

Community of Christ Auditorium Independence, MO

     The first conference event started off with the Eagle Staff Ceremony on Friday afternoon where the non-geographical First Nations congregation sang and chanted.  An Eagle Staff was placed next to the stage as a way to honor the native peoples of the United States during the conference.  It was a very nice gesture of recognition for those Native to the land the conference was being held on.  It felt very appropriate and very sensitive to the history of the area.

     After the ceremony I walked around the Community of Christ Temple.  For those who may not know about the purpose of the Temple in Community of Christ theology, here is a quick explanation.  The use of the temple is modeled after the Kirtland Temple.  The temple is a place where special meetings and the temple school are held.  A daily prayer for peace is given in the temple as well.  There are no private ceremonies or ordinances performed there except for communion, priesthood ordination, and administration to the sick.  The temple itself is dedicated to the pursuit of peace, reconciliation, and healing of the spirit.  Everyone is welcome to enter into the temple and the sanctuary, I am not a member of Community of Christ and was able to enter.  

    


      Before I entered the sanctuary I was greeted by an etched glass depiction of the sacred grove.  The place where Joseph Smith prayed for God's divine guidance.  As I entered the main entrance I encountered artwork with deep spiritual meanings. The lights were dim as I placed my first step past the doors and onto the worshiper’s path.  Step by step I encountered prompts and artwork that challenged me to mediate on the symbolism that was presented.  This was my first time in the Temple and I didn’t know what to expect.  But as I slowly walked, I kept my mind open, meditating on the words and the imagery that I was being presented. Almost imperceptibly the path grew brighter until it opened up into the main sanctuary.  The sanctuary is designed like a Nautilus shell which drew my gaze upward as if I was looking towards heaven.  At the edges of the spiraling ceiling, windows allowed for natural light to completely illuminate the room as if it were glowing. An organ and stage were at the front of the room with pews facing toward the stage.  The space was very peaceful and provided a wonderful place for mediation and prayer.  During a service there that same day.  I was able to sing hymns with other conference attendees and as I sang I felt the divine pervade my heart as our songs seemed to reach toward heaven from that sacred and beautiful place.  

Temple Sanctuary Ceiling

    My first day at World Conference was significant and moving to me as I observed attendees from all around the world meeting together, singing, and greeting one another.  I didn't know it at the time but over the next few days I would truly gain a deeper understanding of the profound mission of the Community of Christ church.  I will be writing about my impressions about this meaning and the significance I feel it has in my next post.  Thanks for reading.  

Stay Tuned for More to Come

     After finishing my first year of Medical School, I have finally been able to refocus my energy on updating this blog.  Over the past few months I have been preparing to go to an exciting event.   Thanks to my twin brother, we will be attending the weekend sessions of the Community of Christ World Conference in Independence, Missouri this coming Friday through Monday.

     I am curious in seeing for myself how this conference differs from the LDS general conferences that I have witnessed in the past.  From what I have read and learned, Community of Christ conferences are very different compared to LDS General Conferences.  A big difference is that the members who attend the conference are mainly elected delegates from congregations and Mission Centers (Stakes) all around the world.  The conference is run like a legislative session where common consent or dissent is practiced in regards to new revelation and church policy.  There are also opportunities for friends of the Community of Christ who are not members, members of the Community of Christ, and people who are interested to attend and listen without being a delegate.

     Along with the legislative sessions there is also a planned First Nations Eagle Staff Ceremony, Celebration Village, and other performances, events, socials, and opportunities to network with service oriented non-profits.  The conference lasts for about a week and a half.  If you are interested in learning more about the schedule and events see the event app here.  There will also be a live screening of the events here and the world conference website here for more information on resolutions and agenda items.

     After attending the conference I am planning on writing a few blog posts on my impressions, thoughts, and experiences of the conference with you all.  I want to do this for those who may have an academic interest, general curiosity, or an interest in spiritual exploration of the conference.

                                                           Auditorium Independence

     Moving away from the subject of future blog posts, I wanted to share the experience I had at the
Washington DC Community of Christ congregation last weekend.  At this service there were two baptisms, confirmations, and an ordination performed.  One of the baptisms was of my twin brother who made the decision to join the Community of Christ after attending services and events for about a year and a half.  As I spoke to the individuals and families who attended, I could definitely sense a spirit of community and support.  Many of the people who were present traveled from previous congregations that my brother first attended when he left the LDS church.  Along with the outpouring of support from the members, beautiful and inspiring hymns were sung including the old Irish Hymn Be Thou my Vision at the beginning and the more contemporary hymn For Everyone Born at the end.  The spirit of community also reached across the Atlantic to my brother's boyfriend who was skyping into the service from Italy.

     As I have continued to attend this small church community I have been both inspired and humbled by the gracious members and the spirit of a group of people who have felt a call to develop Zion-like communities.  I was truly honored to have attended a beautiful service and to be in the company of people who have truly embraced me and my family with open arms during the heartache of the past several months.  I am definitely looking forward to the world conference and the new opportunities for me to experience something new and exciting in the restoration movement.

I posted two of the hymns that were sung at the service below.

Be Thou My Vision

For Everyone Born

Picking up the Pieces

       After the recent news that the LDS church's policy toward the Children of same-sex parents was actually a revelation instead of policy.  I found myself once again in a class feeling pain and sorrow at this pronouncement.  I had previously posted on my initial reaction to the policy here.  I thought I had moved on from my pain and was steadily progressing once again.  It turns out that years and years of hiding and denying my full identity as a worthy and loved child of God is hard to move on from.

       As I sat there I wondered, why do I still feel pain, why am I still fighting this same battle within myself.  I felt pain and longing for the many good  memories I spent in the faith of my family.  Dwelling on the what ifs and the has beens.  I also remembered the not so good times and how much I tried to change myself to reflect what I believed was God's only acceptable plan for me.  The pain and the anguish that I experienced and the thoughts of ending it all still sting as a painful reminder to a childhood spent in fear and loathing.

       Over the past few years especially around the time when I first publicly came out with this blog.  I have been growing and maturing in my faith and relationship with God.  Recent events have been quite a challenge to this previous foundation and has shattered what I had previously thought I had known without a doubt.  Although in hindsight I realized that many of those things that I professed were in a blissful ignorance of the infinite complexity that is God and the history of those seeking His will.

       I started questioning everything.  I pondered on the meaning of faith and the personal experience that is religion.  I also pondered on the possibility of being non-religious at all and not associating myself with any religion as a way to both protect myself and my future family.

       As I pondered and wrestled with these thoughts I was presented with an experience that brought peace to my heart.  A few Saturdays ago I went to a Potluck dinner at the Community of Christ (formerly RLDS) congregation that I have been attending.  While there I found that the main room that makes up nearly all of the small building was filled with kids from the neighborhood.  The doors were open to everyone that wanted to have food to eat, fellowship, and fun.  The congregation that I have been attending is in a neighborhood where there are many different issues associated with poverty.  As a way to address the needs of the community, this congregation opens it's doors to all families to take part in food and fun in a safe environment.   I learned that many of the kids that lived in the local neighborhood come very hungry with many of their families struggling to make ends meet.  It really moved me how safe and happy the kids appeared there.  Many of them had no other family members there besides themselves.  It touched my heart the service that was provided to these children by the congregation.

       It was also the first time that my husband attended the congregation as well.  When I introduced him he was welcomed completely by the members with no looks or words of disapproval even from the older members. This experience made me feel even more welcomed in this community where I can be my authentic self without risk of judgment or ostracism.

       After the potluck my husband and I were driving home.  While heading home we saw a man in a motorized wheelchair on the street.  We stopped and turned on our hazard lights to see if the man needed help.  It turned out he was a veteran that had just been discharged from the hospital.  Someone had stolen his money and he had a friend who was checking on a nearby motel too see how much it would cost for a room.  Heading over there we found out that the women who was his friend didn't have enough money to put him up for a few days until he could find housing.  My husband and I are both students on a tight budget and weren't able to give the sum of money that was required.

       Thinking about the incredible charity I had just witnessed at the Community of Christ, I contacted the pastor and asked if he could help.  He listened to the situation and said that they would be able to take care of the rest of the motel bill for the man.  We were able to make the payment for the motel and we talked to both the women and the man.  The women had recently been living with a mother in law because her house had burned down a few weeks before.  The man had had one of his legs amputated and had bed sores on his body.  This man was in need of help and we were able to answer that call thanks to the charity and love of of the members of the Community of Christ.  They were willing to give freely to this homeless man who needed a place to stay while he looked for more permanent housing.  Even without meeting him they were willing to share of their bounty.  Peace entered my heart as we drove home.  I felt at home for the first time in a long time.  I felt like I had found a place that truly wanted and accepted me as me not some idealized version of who I am expected to be.  A family that saw worth in every person no matter who they are.

       A prayer for peace was given at the temple in Independence Missouri.  I wanted to share it with you all.


"I seek a heart that is attuned to listen to the sounds of human life - the murmurings of pain and struggle, the babble of confusion and doubt, whispered yearnings, the ecstatic outburst of joy and delight.
I seek a heart with an interior vision that sees beyond the surface.  I seek the peacefulness of a life well spent.  I seek the prayerfulness of the quiet, the agony of the fearful, the loneliness of the complainer.
I seek a heart imbued with feelings that can penetrate closed walls: walls that shut out closeness, walls that restrict friendship, walls that choke out life.
I seek a heart that is other centered, motivated by love of God, freely giving, joyfully surrendering selfish whims, peacefully touching life with beauty, gently walking in God's way."

        Although everyone's path is different and will have twists and turns along the way.  I am glad to know that for now, at this moment, I am in a place where I can have a greater capacity to serve others.  I hope and pray that everyone can find a place where they can express their true, authentic, and divine identities in a way that brings light and joy to this world.

       Thank you for reading and I hope that the spirit of Shalom or peace follows you in your travels.  And that this new year is filled with joy and wonder, where every experience whether sad or good brings you closer to a place where you can feel whole and appreciated.

Thanks for reading!

My Journey Within Mormonism

      Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my readers.  I know that Christmas can be a mixed bag when it comes to the various family and cultural experiences that people have.  Whoever you are and wherever you may be in your life and in your relationships.  I hope that you can find peace and hope both in a religious sense and a secular sense.  Although this blog post will not be exactly about Christmas it is in a way about new beginnings and the growth that comes from the discovery of something new.

       To preface this blog post I recommend reading my previous post about my thoughts on the LDS church's new policy and the experiences that have led me to seek out a spiritual home in the Community of Christ (formerly known as the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).  As I listened to the Prophet-President of the Community of Christ I wanted to learn as much as I could about this part of the Restoration.
      Just as a way to help both explain and bring my readers along on my journey, I am going to post a couple of long 1-hourish videos that were displayed on Mormon Stories about the teachings and history of the Community of Christ beginning with Joseph Smith.  It is presented by John Hamer who is a historian and himself a former gay Mormon who is now the pastor of the Toronto Community of Christ congregation.  My posting this is not about converting anyone or saying that my path is the right path.  The path to spiritual progression should always be between the individual and God.  I simply want to share what has brought me peace in the hopes that it may help others or may stimulate a desire to learn more about religious history whether it be purely academic or spiritual.  Here is an introductory video about Community of Christ.  I think many of my readers will recognize the music in the background.


      The next two videos are about the differences and similarities of beliefs between the LDS and Community of Christ.  These were the ones I watched first.  I was intrigued by the similarities and differences between the two.  John Hamer who is presenting also gives the case of how disaffected LDS members or LGBT Mormons may find a spiritual home at the Community of Christ.  These videos are kind of long so if you have spare time I encourage you to watch them.  I personally watched them as I did dishes and chores.  Summaries can be found and additional dialogue here.







       The next four videos follow the history of the Community of Christ.  From 1830 to the present day and how it was shaped in parallel to the LDS church.  The first video covers the beginning of the restoration from 1820-1844.  Most members of the LDS church will recognize this history.  Once again dialogue and summaries here.

       The next video covers more of the divergence and schism of The LDS church between those led by Brigham Young and the scattered congregations who did not travel west, including Joseph's Smith's family.  Many different groups formed their own churches under various leaders including the Strangites, Cutlerites, Rigdonites, etc.




       This next video follows the RLDS church as it is organized in 1860 under the leadership of Joseph Smith 3rd (Joseph Smith's oldest Son). This video covers most of his tenure as Prophet of the RLDS to 1910 as he brings many of the scattered Saints into the Reorganization.





       The final video follows the transformation of the RLDS church to the now Community of Christ using the historical research done in the 1960s and 1970s as a catalyst for introspection and change.  The parts I find the most compelling are how it appears that the leadership in the then RLDS church decided to address historical issues head on.  This is in stark contrast to LDS leadership who sought to keep these historical findings from reaching the general membership.  The LDS church is only now trying to address these issue in public with their release of various essays on the church's history.

       The most interesting thing that I found from these videos was how little I actually knew about the early history of the restoration tradition of Christianity under Joseph Smith and how very little I knew of the Community of Christ.  I deeply regret this ignorance and have since continued to seek more knowledge on the subject.  I will also post a couple of other links below that I have found helpful to learning more about the Community of Christ.  These links will also include the Latter-day Seekers website that is specifically geared toward LDS members who are interested in learning more.

http://mormonessays.com/

http://www.latter-dayseekers.org/

       Thanks for watching and reading.  Hopefully in the next several weeks/ months as my time is permitted I will be writing and sharing more on this subject.   I have appreciated the perspectives and dialogue that I have received over the past several years as an out Gay man and look forward to many more to come.  During this Christmas and Holiday Season I hope peace can be found in your homes and in your communities.

My Personal Path From Pain and Confusion to Hope and Spiritual Progression

     I finally have a break to write another blog post.  A lot of stuff has happened since my last post. I am fairly certain that many of the readers of my blog have had many discussions with friends, family, and others around the LDS church's new policy in regards to the Children of LGBT couples.  For me personally it felt like a stab in the heart.  I cannot adequately describe the pain and betrayal I felt at that time.  I had made peace with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was still attending meetings when I found the time to.  I described the pain and the anguish I felt in a Facebook post.  This is what I wrote:

    "The past few days have definitely been incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. I'm grateful for everyone that I have seen who have stood up in defense of the children of LGBT parents and their families during this difficult time. Even though many of you will not be personally effected by this change within the LDS church. Just the fact that you have been willing to listen with an open mind and heart and advocate for others is an incredible blessing. The fact that you have been open to the plight of your brothers and sisters has made a tremendous difference. Your love and kindness has been noticed.
    To those people who see nothing wrong with this policy and the potential damage this will have to so many children I beg you to open your hearts to their stories. Realize how much pain, anguish, and exclusion they are going to feel when they see their friends getting baptized and then being told that they can't because of their parents, who if they are that age probably go to church with them and approve of their involvement. Realize that this policy will make them feel singled out and ostracized. Understand how their parents will feel whether they be from failed mixed orientation marriages or love the church and want their kids raised in the church. Many of them have faced so many hardships and had finally found a balance within their marriage and relationship with the church. Now they're being told that their kids are now considered the other and not worthy because of who their parents are. Imagine how this policy will open old wounds and how it feels that the church is trying to punish them further for their sexual orientation that they had no choice in. Whether it is their intention or not that is what is happening, that is reality.

    Some people may say that these kids can choose when they're 18 and that it will lessen conflict. The problem is the damage will have already been done. Treating a young child like this is harmful to their identity and relationship with their heavenly Father. No matter what the intentions and the belief that this is what is best for the child. The fact still remains that this policy will lead to broken families, heartbroken children, and a culture of exclusion for these kids. Many of these children have been adopted and have experienced abandonment from their previous families are now being told after they have finally found a family that loves them and cares for them that that love is counterfeit that they have to renounce that love, peace, and security they have found. How traumatizing that can be and will be for these children.

    I feel raw and heartbroken, a church that I grew up in and that has helped me develop my relationship with my Savior has essentially shut the door on my family and my future kids. This is how I and thousands of other people in my situation feel right now. People may seek to minimize it but it is there, we are here, we exist, our pain is real. You can either choose to ignore it and brush it off because it doesn't affect you or you can mourn with us and comfort us because many people are in need of comfort right now."  

     (As preface to what I am going to talk about, I have a deep respect for the decisions made by individuals. My thoughts are my own and are neither an endorsement or criticism.  They are merely the thoughts and the pain which I have personally felt.  Everyone's road is different and I can not emphasize enough that people must make their own decisions and should if they feel they are able to make their own decisions with God in regards to belief or non-belief.  That is something I would never deny to anyone, I just seek to share my own personal perspective.)

    My heart was broken and the pain I felt was beyond what I have previously felt before.  I didn't understand why this could happen.  I had felt that progress was being made and that my future children could be welcomed in the faith that I have held dear for many years even if I could not fully participate.  With this policy, the door had been shut and and my heart was broken.  For days I felt the pain and betrayal continue to twist and turn inside of me seemingly without relief.  I felt abandoned and I felt lost.  

    As I struggled through this pain and anguish trying to search for relief, I felt the spirit move me in a surprising direction.  My twin brother had been attending the Community of Christ (previously the RLDS church) for a couple of months.  We had had a couple of conversations about it.   Even with these conversations I had no interest in the Community of Christ because I never felt particularly drawn to them intellectually or spiritually. With the introduction of the new church policy I was seeking to find comfort and solace in my pain.   I found a talk given by the Prophet President of the Community of Christ church, Steven Veazy.  Here it is below 

     
     As I watched this video I felt a profound peace enter into my heart especially near the end when he talked about Oneness and Equality in Christ.  This peace drove away the pain and the anguish from my soul.  This peace also carried with it a prompting to learn more about Community of Christ.

I watched many other videos which I will post in later blog posts.  

 I still consider myself Mormon in the sense that my own personal beliefs have been cultivated within the LDS church.  My plan is to always leave my heart open to the possibility of me returning if prompted by the spirit to do so.  The culture and the influence the LDS church has had on my life has been profound and will never leave me.  I personally can profess that I have felt the spirit many times in the LDS church.  The spirit has borne me up in hours of need and trial and has offered me comfort countless times.  As I have continued to learn over the past couple of weeks I have developed a deep respect for both the LDS church and the Community of Christ as part of the Restoration Tradition of Christianity that has Joseph Smith as its first prophet.  I have also felt and recognized truth in the Community of Christ faith.  I have found it to be an honest and genuine expression of the Restoration one that I regret not knowing more about until now. 

    I still don't know exactly where God will lead me on this road.  There is still much I need to learn and hopefully many more years ahead.  I have found at this time a place of safety where my husband and I are fully welcome.  At the very least what I do know is that at this moment in my life. I am where I need to be.  

If anyone is interested in finding out more about the Community of Christ 
from a LDS perspective here is a link.

http://www.latter-dayseekers.org/

    

First Anniversary, Marriage Equality, and Preparing for Medical School!

The past few weeks have been such a blessing for my family.  Not only have we celebrated our first anniversary.  We have also celebrated the Supreme Court decision that will help to enshrine the same rights and privileges for us as other couples.  It has been a time of great excitement for some and political angst for others.  Wherever you fall on the spectrum of legalized same-sex marriage.  I want you to know that these rulings are going to effect many people positively.  Not only in regards to legal benefits for same-sex couple and their children.  But also the dignity of being treated equally under the law.

One of my greatest hopes is that all people no matter their romantic orientation will grow up with the hope of a family.  That in the future, laws that allow for the discrimination of others will fade away and be replaced with equal treatment for all.  I hope that in the future, children like myself won't grow up with the shame and fear of how they feel.  That they will see how good life can be.  I hope that they will grow up without the pressure to lie to others about who they are.

This summer before I enter medical school I have had the privilege of working with kids who have been abused and severely mistreated by their parents and guardians.  Working with them each day I have been able to see the child who wants to be safe, who wants a better life but doesn't know where to find it.  I have seen the process of healing and hope work in their lives.  This I hope I can help facilitate for others.  Although I am still not sure what my future holds completely.  I can see myself working with children and young adults in my future profession.  The defenseless and the forgotten.  I hope I can make a difference in at least a few of their lives.  Progress does not come without effort.  Although their have been victories there is still a tough battle ahead.  Each day I see hope for a more just and equitable world.  A world where the least will be considered as much as the greatest.

I look forward with an excitement to the future and a promise of a better tomorrow.

I Need Him Too

        I recently noticed that USGA at BYU posted up a new video.  Their original viral video provided me with a lot of hope and support during a time that was very dark and lonely for me.  Their stories and encouragement helped me to have hope and faith in God's plan for my future.  After watching this video I wanted to add my own voice with theirs.  




        One of the more hurtful things I have been told before is that because I am gay I can't have a relationship with Jesus Christ or my Heavenly Father. That somehow the atonement does not apply to me. That I am broken, counterfeit, and beyond the reach of the spirit. If my experience with my Heavenly Father is any indicator, I have have found that these statements are simply not true, I have felt and have continued to feel the power of the atonement working in my life. The relationship I have with my savior is stronger now than it has ever been. He has walked where I have walked, and I know he understands the intentions of my heart as I have continually sought guidance from Him for each decision that I make.  I need him too. I need his peace and comfort through times and trials. I need his boundless charity to encompass me in warmth and light.  I need the gentle reminders of his grace as I feel the warm touch of sun on my face, the wind as it blows through my hair, and the peace as a kneel to pray.  

        Through the spirit I have learned and feel that who I am is a blessing. By being gay I have learned what it is like to be at the end of condescension and judgement. I have learned what it must have been like for the outcasts that Christ sat and ate with, who he ministered too, and who he called his friends. The pain and sorrow I felt growing up from the ignorance and judgement of others has made me stronger and has brought me closer to Him. I learned to rely on my savior when everything seemed hopeless. I have learned that human understanding and strength ultimately falls short compared to His divine and eternal consistency.  I have learned that my only source of truth can be from the fruit that is borne from the actions and words of others coupled with the still whispering of the spirit.  

        The diversity of God's creation is not something to fear, each individual difference should be celebrated. The incredible diversity of mankind is a testament of the power of human potential and God's love.  Each individual is precious and none should be forced into a cookie cutter mold of what society says they should be. We all lose out when this happens.  He is mindful of each one of us, He has a plan for each one of us, and He loves us beyond anything we can imagine.  If you feel that you are not good enough or that God could never love you.  Always remember that he truly does love you completely.  His love is not based on condition or standing.  It is unconditional and all encompassing, stay strong, this world needs you to be who you are, an indescribable child of God.  

Where I'm supposed to be.

It has been a little over a year since I publicly came out as a gay Mormon.  In that year, I have had many wonderful and humbling experiences.  I have met new people and I have gained a greater appreciation of the diversity and the uniqueness of God's will for each person.  This is a little summary.

Life has been busy.

School has started up again, I recently got a new job at a behavioral health center for at risk youth, and I just joined a political action committee.  Needless to say, I'm expecting a very productive and busy last semester to my undergraduate years.  

Along with staying busy, I have been married to the love of my life now for over six months.  Time has flown by and I often find myself thinking about the path that led me to where I am now.  I came out publicly a little over a year ago and have transitioned to being a true and authentic son of God.  It has been a bit of a roller coaster but one that has brought me clarity and a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I am now an excommunicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My stake president was very attentive to me and I felt the spirit whenever I talked to him.  He wasn't punitive with his church authority and worked with me through everything.  I truly felt his care and his desire to understand and build a bridge with me.  I know this is not always the case, I have heard of people who have had a less than desirable experiences with priesthood leaders around this subject.  After speaking with my stake president over a couple of weeks he decided it was time to move to an excommunication.

What really surprised me and humbled me about the excommunication was the overwhelming spirit that I felt.  This spirit was compounded by the testimony that I bore of my savior Jesus Christ and the guidance of the Holy Ghost.  It was uniquely personal and very powerful.  I left the excommunication with a feeling of peace and joy.  It was uplifting and completely unexpected.  The experience helped reinforce my belief that as I trust in my Heavenly Father's will, everything will work out.

Another pleasant surprise was and is the continued companionship of the Holy Spirit.  Although I cannot enter into the temple anymore and I can't partake of the sacrament, the spirit continues to help me as I seek to do my Father's will.

There have been times in this past year where my faith has faltered and I have felt distant from God but luckily those moments of doubt have only renewed the strength that God has given me.  I have come to know personally the importance of doubt in faith.  Through this process I have learned to doubt everything and to analyze everything in greater detail.  I have learned to not lean on the arm of men but on the arm of my Heavenly Father.  My love and understanding of the power of the atonement has grown deeper.  My outlook on life has improved and I am happier than I have ever been.

The amount of growth and the outpouring of love I have experience over the past year has been humbling both from members of the LGBT Mormons and Allies and also from my friends and family.  I attend my local ward where a couple of people now know about my husband and I.

Last year I took a leap of faith when coming out publicly.  I have learned a great many things and I know there is still much for me to learn.  Through everything I truly believe and feel that I am where I'm supposed to be.

My Late Transgender Day of Remembrance Post

Hello Everyone,

      I have been incredibly busy with school recently and I just now found the time to write another blog post.  This post is kind of my tribute to all my transgender friends.  Nowhere else have I seen such strong and courageous people.  You all are a beacon of light to me.  You amaze me with your example of how to live a life that is authentic to your God given identity.  More and more society is realizing the falsehood of the gender binary.  Science has already discovered that just as sexuality is on a continuum, gender too is not on polar ends of male and female.  Sexuality and gender are not determined based on the genitalia a person is born with.  Gender and Sexuality come from the mind and reach out from the deepest and most human parts of ourselves.  Those parts I believe are the most eternal.  They color our perceptions and truly help us to become entwined with the identity of the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, hopefully into the eternities.

      These identities should not be repressed or held back.  Everyone was meant to be here, everyone is a beautiful and wonderful child of God who has unique and incredible attributes to share.  Every single person has the ability to truly make this world a better place.  I truly believe God is filled with joy as we express ourselves in a way that is truly authentic to ourselves.  As we serve others and let people know they are not alone.  We represent a piece of who God is and what Jesus Christ himself would do.  Every son, daughter, cisgender, transgender, intersex, gender queer, heterosexual, and homosexual child of God is a beautiful image of who our heavenly parents are and their infinite and divine capacity to love and embrace every single one of us.  The world needs more love not more misunderstanding.  You all bring the world closer to a Zion-like society as you expand everyone's capacity to love and support one another.  There is still a lot of work to do, let us all work hard to lift up the heavy hand.  To give of our substance to those in need.  Instead of quibbling over how a person should dress or how a person should live their life let's try expound love instead of judgement. In the end we are all trying our best to live a life that holds no regrets.


I added this video because it is a fun song about letting out what truly makes you amazing!  (I do believe most of the people in this video are transgender although there is also a drag queen)

Joy: A Tale of Love and Marriage

      On July 1st 2014 I legally married the man of my dreams, on July 2nd we committed to support one another both spiritually and physically the rest of our lives and hopefully into the eternities.

       I met James during February of 2013.  When I met him, I was just starting to come out to close friends and people at school.  Previously, I had come to accept that I would stay in the closet forever and just work to remain celibate in all ways including any romantic relationships.  It wasn't until receiving very specific promptings that I decided to start coming out. I wrote a little bit about this first coming out and my experiences in the LGBT community here. I came out to some very specific close friends.  This initial coming out eventually led me to coming out publicly January of this year, which you can read here.

       During the first stages of my coming out, I met a lot of different people.  Including someone very special to me.  We met when I first walked into the office of the LGBTQ organization on my campus.  He was tall, good looking, and couldn't get enough of me.  When we met I was not looking for any relationships.  In fact, I made it a point to tell everyone who asked that I was not interested.

       One Friday night we had a movie night at the school.  The whole time James was flirting with me and I am not going lie I really enjoyed it.  It wasn't like when I attempted to flirt with girls.  This one felt natural, fun, and a little thrilling as well.   He told me that night that he wanted to date me.  He at the time was leaving a very bad relationship and was looking to fill the void left in him.

      What he wanted was for me to say yes.  The answer he got was something he didn't expect and one that would have one of the greatest impacts on both of our lives.  I bore my testimony and told him no.

      That same morning I was driving back home from the school.  While I was driving, I had an incredibly powerful experience, one that I can only describe as indescribable and sacred.  I knew that God was pleased with me and that I had done what God had been preparing me to do.

One week later, while James was out with a friend he felt prompted to go to church.  James had been baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints almost a decade before.  He ended up falling away due to misunderstandings and painful experiences caused by members.  He had almost no support and  no other members of his family were in the church.  He struggled and eventually became distant from God.  Although there were specific moments that he remembers where God continued to guide him.

      When I first met him, he was at the lowest point in his life.  He was leaving an eight year relationship and he felt that God couldn't hear him or wouldn't hear him.  In his loneliness and despair he cried out to God for help.  A week later I came into his life.

      We became close friends, we even fell in love but we wouldn't admit it.  James was working through a lot of problems and I was trying to figure out who I was at the time.  This growing we both were going through in hindsight needed to happen with us just being friends.

So we kept moving along.  James progressed tremendously at this time.  He became closer to God and happier.  This went on until the late fall of 2013.

At this time we both felt stuck spiritually, I felt that God knew how I could progress.  I knew there was something important ahead of me, but I couldn't figure out what it was.  This was the same for James.

Right before Thanksgiving, I was praying to God,  I was seeking fervently to find the way he wanted me to go.  Once again, I had to give up all my preconceptions and notions about God's will.  I had to put my will on the alter before him and accept whatever it was he wanted me to do.  Only then did I feel a new prompting, one that brought me peace but also apprehension.  I felt the spirit move me to begin a deeper relationship with James.  I didn't know where it would take me, but once again I knew I needed to trust in my Heavenly Father and in the promptings from the Holy Ghost.

We started dating and a few days later I knew I was progressing again.  The spirit began to return and peace entered into my heart where it had been missing.

A few weeks after that, we both felt prompted that God would give his permission for both of us to marry.  James was the one who proposed.   He couldn't afford a ring but that didn't matter to me.  I accepted his proposal with a heart full of joy and a spirit full of peace.

         After a 7 month engagement we got married at the courthouse in Somerset, Maryland.  The courthouse was beautiful and I remember looking into James' eyes as the magistrate read out the words.  I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness at what we were about to commit too, but it was all washed away by a wonderful feeling of happiness that the day had finally come.

        The next day was the wedding celebration on Yorktown Beach.  It was a busy day but in the end when I got to stand up in front of my family and friends and make a commitment to the love of my life, everything became worth it.  All the struggles, the heartaches, the wrestles with the spirit.  The pain of growing up gay in the LDS church and in the United States.  The loneliness and terror of the possibility of being found out.  It all became worth it as I said I do.  Happiness and peace poured through me and settled deep into my heart.  I still do not understand many things and I do not know God's purposes, but what I do know is that if we trust in Him we need not fear.  We don't need to know everything.  I know that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.  For now I walk with faith in Jesus Christ and the atonement.  I have faith that the Holy Ghost will continue to guide my husband and I as we trust in his will.  Life is a journey and I am grateful to God for helping me find my best friend to take the journey with me.

                                                 Both of our families on the York River.

Hopeful Signs and More to Come!

To all my readers,

I am currently writing two posts that are very personal and describe where I am now.  Those posts will hopefully be finished by the end of this month.  It has been about 7 months since I publicly came out of the closet and about a year and a half since I first started telling people about it.  It has been quite the adventure, since then both of discovering myself and learning about God's will for me.  It is really cool to see good news from many LGBT people that I have had the privilege to communicate with and become acquainted with.  It is great to see how life is starting to turn around for them.  Even with an uncertain future, I see the courage that these young, and sometimes old, pioneers are taking into the unknown wilderness and it gives me hope.  Who knows what lies ahead, what I do know that God loves each and everyone of us and that there is a bright future in store!  Keep up the good fight everyone and know that there are a multitude of people cheering you on!  Also if you are a certain point in your life where you may not believe in God.  Still know about the love all of us have for you!  Keep moving forward!

Sincerely,
Lance

P.S. I saw this video from Mormon Messages and I thought about writing an accompanying blog post about it.  I think it speaks for itself.   Through all my experiences, I have learned about the importance to have hope that God's light will continue to illuminate a path forward even if it is only for a few steps and even if those steps seem uncertain.

Why are Some People Homosexual?

I wanted to share a paper that I think some of my readers would be interested in.  I wrote this paper for my Physiological Psychology class this past semester.  (Warning, some of the information below is dense and technical.)

  I have heard many discussion on where homosexuality might come from.  Many of these discussions focus around personal experiences and opinions, these kind of discussions, I have found, are a great way to learn and grow.  In these discussions, there seems to be a recurring argument around whether a person chooses to be homosexual or whether they are born that way.  

For this post, I wanted to provide a summary of what is known about the origins of homosexuality and a little on gender identity, as well as potential new research that is being done around the world in order to discover, biologically, how homosexuality occurs and why it exists.  I included references at the bottom if anyone wants to do further research.  

Homosexuality: What is Known and The Role of Epigenetics

1)    Abstract

Over the past few decades more and more research has been done to try to determine the root cause of homosexuality within the animal and human population.  .  Homosexuality seems to be a very complex and complicated phenomenon because it has been found to have more than one system involved with the development of this phenotype.  Research has found differences in brain structure between homosexuals and heterosexuals.  These differing brain structures are found to be affected by androgens on the developing prenatal brain.  Genetics has also been found to influence the development of homosexuality.  The way in which structure, hormones, and genetics interacts is very complex and had mostly been studied separately.  An overarching explanation that could unite these different areas of study is epigenetics.  It has been found that epigenetics may play a significant role in homosexuality.  Not only can epigenetics influence the expression of genes regarding androgen signaling, they can also play a role in determining how certain structures are created in the brain and how the body reacts to certain stressors in utero.  This paper seeks to better explain how all this ties together and what we know and what we may need to find out further, based on a review of current research in regards to this topic. 

2)    Introduction

            This paper is seeking to compile the evidence that has been found for epigenetic links to homosexuality within the human population, and what is known about the difference between homosexuals and heterosexual people.  Epigenetics broadly concerns gene expression, although not entirely, through the manipulation of chromatin structure and function in both non-dividing and dividing cells.  Epigenetic markings within the nucleus include the regulation of histones that effect how DNA is packaged and DNA methylation, which is the addition of methyl groups onto DNA nucleotides that affect gene expression.  These regulatory mechanisms work together to help determine the three dimensional genome structure of DNA, which in turn effect gene expression.  They do this by acting as the connection between environmental factors and internal factors within the peripheral tissues and brain, which then become molded and shaped based on these factors (Akbarian & Nestler, 2013).  Epigenetics is the latest in recent studies on homosexuality which previously was controversial to research.

Until recently, homosexuality had been underrepresented within the animal population, this lack of reporting has been typically “associated with a historical reluctance to publish socially and religiously controversial information” (Rice, Friberg & Gavrilets, 2013).  This practice has been reversed as more evidence has surfaced of the commonality and relative consistency of homosexuality amongst animals, including sheep at “about 8% strictly homosexual males” (Rice, Friberg & Gavrilets, 2013).  This consistency is also translated over to humans.  In the United States the percentage of the population who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender also known by the abbreviation, LGBT, was 3.5% as of February 2013 (Gallup, 2013).  So what is the cause of homosexuality in the human population? 

It has been found through research that there are physical differences in brain structure between heterosexual and homosexual people; these physical differences appear to be affected by hormones during prenatal development. There is evidence, from genetic testing that homosexuality is heritable; epigenetics has been found to significantly affect the way embryos interact with androgens through androgen signaling and the expression of genes that are involved in masculine behavior and phenotype, finally, through all this a new epigenetic model is starting to be used that could better explain what still needs to be done in order to find out the role of epigenetics in homosexuality.

3)    Structural Differences

Differences between structure and the interaction of the brain and environment have been found to exist between heterosexual and homosexual men.  One of the first differences in brain structure discovered between homosexuals and heterosexuals was that of the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN), which is used to “generate and coordinate hormonal, physiological, and behavioral circadian rhythms” (Swaab & Hofman, 1990).  Swaab and Hofman (1990) also state that the SCN has also been linked to reproduction.  Swaab and Hofman (1990) found that the SCN in “homosexual males were 1.73 times larger, and contained 2.09 times as many cells” than the heterosexual male reference group (Swaab & Hofman, 1990).  Not only were there structural differences, other differences were found in how the brains of homosexuals react to the environment. 

One difference that has been found is the way homosexual men and women’s anterior hypothalamus is activated compared to heterosexuals.  It has been found that the anterior hypothalamus of heterosexuals has a certain sex-differentiated activation; this activation is almost reversed in homosexuals, making it sex atypical (Swaab, 2008).  It has been found that in many areas of the brain homosexuals demonstrate a sex atypical reaction to many stimuli that cause a sexual differentiated response in heterosexuals.  Deeper studies into the reasons why this happens have found that it is due to hormonal events that occur during fetal and prenatal development. 

4)    Hormonal Effects

            When a fetus is developing in the uterus, fetal gonads develop between 6 and 12 weeks in boys because of the sex-determining gene on the Y-Chromosome. Females develop mainly because of the absence of androgens during development.  After the development of the gonads, sexual differentiation then occurs in the developing brain (Bao & Swaab, 2011).  There are two time periods between gonad development, the first two months of development, and brain development in the last half of pregnancy, the separateness of these two developmental time periods can cause independent development between the two that can lead to the rare possibility for genitalia and brain structure to not develop coherently. 

One of the causes of sex difference in gender roles, gender identity, and sexual orientation is sex hormones in the developing brain.  The main mechanism for this sex differentiation in the developing brain responsible for sexual identity and orientation is testosterone (Garcia-Falgueras & Swaab , 2010).  Research has found that the fetal brain develops in a female direction if there is a lack of activity in regards to testosterone, and the fetal brain develops in a male direction if there is a direct effect involving testosterone on the developing brain (Garcia-Falgueras & Swaab , 2010). 

            There are specific examples of phenomena that have been found to be linked to the probability of a person being homosexual.  In male children there are two significant periods of development where testosterone is higher than in girls.  These developmental periods are mid-pregnancy and the first three months after birth.  These peaks in testosterone are believed to affect the programming of a boy’s brain for his entire lifetime (Bao & Swaab, 2011).  Changes and differences in these peaks could lead to a sexual differentiation of the brain that is atypical with the genital development of the child.  Other examples of effects on the fetus while in the womb include the “fraternal birth order effect” which explains why, in boys, the possibility that a boy will be homosexual increases based on the number of brothers that were born before him.  The theory of why this happens is thought to be “the progressive immunizations of some mothers to Y-linked minor histocompatibility antigens by each successive male fetus” (Bao & Swaab, 2011).  This means that the mother starts to reject the male fetus as a foreign body and develops antigens to fight against it.  These antigens can cause changes on how the fetus develops, creating a greater chance for the child to develop a homosexual orientation.  Studies have also shown that exposure to thyroid gland hormone, nicotine, or amphetamines increases the chances of a mother to have a lesbian daughter (Bao & Swaab, 2011).  It seems that there are postulated to be many different effects and factors surrounding sexual orientation development. 

Evidence has been shown that hormones are insufficient to determine the actual cause of sexual orientation.  This has been shown in studies that manipulate the gender and sex chromosome karyotype through the translocating of a gene that is responsible for male sex determination.  This research has found that aspects of brain anatomy and sexually dimorphic behavior are strongly influenced by karyotype along with fetal androgen exposure (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).  However, with this evidence it is still affirmed that androgen signaling is still the predominant factor.  The reason that this is not the complete determinant is as follows.  Through various studies on rats and humans it has been found that fetal androgen levels between both XX and XY fetuses overlap across all developmental stages.  It has even been found that some XX fetuses have higher testosterone levels than other XY fetuses (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).    These findings show that although androgens may play an important role, but they do not play a complete role. 

Epigenetic marks that are dimorphic between XY and XX embryos are known to be produced during the genome-wide reprogramming of the embryonic stem cell stage.  This stage is during the early development.  The production of epigenetic marks have been found to greatly influence gene expression in later stages of development as well as have the ability to carry over across generations.  These proliferations of epigenetic marks in the early stages are all but erased in the later stages of development except for a few, which include imprinted genes and active transposons (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).  After this erasure there is once again another sequence of epi-marking known as “de novo epi-marking.”  These are gene promoters that have been changed through DNA methylation and histone modification (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).  This proliferation of epigenetic markings, erasure, and more epigenetic markings can have a profound effect on androgen signaling in both XY and XX fetuses during early development and later during perinatal development. 

During the earliest stages of mammalian development there is clear evidence of epigenetic differences between XX and XY embryos.  This includes differences in gene expression in hundreds of genes and how the embryos react to the environment.  Also, prior to secretion of androgens by the testes, studies have shown that up to 51 genes in the brains of XY and XX embryos have differential expressions on their autosomes (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).  Using this evidence, scientists have theorized that homosexuality could be caused by the heritable proliferation of epigenetic marks in the stem cell and not covered over by a de novo epigenetic mark later in development.  This can explain the heredity of homosexuality, or if it was a de novo epigenetic mark it can explain why identical twins tend to have low concordance of sexual orientation (Rice, Friberg & Gabrilets, 2012).  This topic will be discussed more in the next section.  Even though hormones and epigenetic marks play a very important role in determining sex, gender, and sexual orientation, genetics has the capability of generating more information on the causation of homosexuality. 

5)    Genetics and Pedigree

Another important area of research into the causation of homosexuality within the human population is genetics.  There have been a large amount of studies done in regards to this subject.  Family and twin studies have found a possible genetic role in homosexuality.  One such study examined the linkage between the X chromosome and homosexuality. The study performed by Hamer, Hu, et al.(1993), investigated genetic determinants in male sexual orientation, by using linkage analyses and pedigree on 114 families of homosexual men.  One of the main results of this study was the discovery of a linkage between “homosexual orientation and markers in the distal portion of Xq28” (Hamer, Hu et al., 1993).  This indicated the presence of a genetic predisposition to homosexuality coming from the inherited X chromosome.  It however is important to note that due to the complexity of gender identity and sexual orientation more than one gene is probably affecting the occurrence of homosexuality.  Other evidence of genetic factors involved in homosexuality was found in the first genome-wide scan of male homosexuals.  In this study, three regions of genetic interest were found.   The strongest of these genes was a gene located on “7q36” (Mustanski, Dupree, Nievergelt et al., 2004).  There is found around this specific gene area a coding for a vasoactive intestinal peptide.  This peptide has been found to be linked to the development of the hypothalamic suprachiasmatic nucleus in mice.  As mentioned above this part of the brain has been found to be larger in homosexual men (Mustanski, Dupree, Nievergelt et al., 2004).  This then shows a promising area to continue to study in order to find out more about how genetics affects homosexuality and whether an epigenetic activation of this certain gene increases the chance of a homosexual phenotype. 

Studies using twin pairs to research empirical evidence of the heritability of homosexuality have been performed as well as gene analysis.  These studies have sought to find whether there is a genetic or environmental connection on the causation of homosexuality.  In the study done by Kendler, Thornton et al.(2000), they used a nationally represented sample of twins in the United States and found information on the sexual orientation of both members of the twin pair.  In this sample, it was found that homosexual sexual orientation in identical twins was 31.6%.  In another twin sample study, done in Australia by Bailey, Dunne and Martin (2000), consistent data was found that supports familial factors influencing sexual orientation, continuous gender identity, and childhood gender non-conformity.  These different factors have been found to be genetically based with the finding that homosexuality tends to run in families.  This study also found that homosexual orientation in identical twins was 20% for men and 24% for women.  The study only found moderate to large heritability in regards to both female and male sexual orientation.  This leads to the idea that there are still more factors involved than just genetics in the determination of sexual orientation (Bailey, Dunne & Martin, 2000).  This has lead to current studies being done to determine the role of epigenetics in homosexuality. 

6)    Epigenetic Model

There are many reasons why scientists now believe that an epigenetic model for homosexuality can lead to a more overarching answer in regards to its prevalence in nature.  One reason is how inconclusive many studies have shown to be when studying homosexuality.  Studies have been able to find links to homosexuality in brain structure, prenatal hormone levels, and genetic markers, and have found heritability of homosexuality amongst families.  These studies have sought to make sense of a phenomenon that occurs throughout nature.  It has been found that homosexuality has been recorded to occur in 93 species of birds and many more animals (Rice, Friberg & Gavrilets, 2013).  If a specific gene caused homosexuality, it would make sense that through natural selection the gene would be removed because only heterosexual intercourse can lead to procreation, so the gene could not be passed down.  This reality requires another model in order to explain this, and the epigenetic model seems to be the best candidate to do so.

One idea that is currently being studied is prenatal stress in dysmasculinization of male mice in phenotypical expression involving behavior and physiological stress measures.  The researchers examined the F2 generation (two generations down from original ancestor) that are descended from these prenatally stressed male mice to see if this epigenetic phenotype could be transmitted across generations.  Using specialized equipment that study genes during neurodevelopment, they discovered a change in the mice’s gene expression to a female-typical pattern from a male-typical pattern in the F2 offspring of males that were prenatally stressed (Morgan & Bale, 2011).  Changes were not only found at the level of observable behavior but also at the cellular and molecular level.  As stated above, testosterone is essential in the masculinization and feminization of the brain.  The researchers studied if a change was found in this process that could explain the male rats changed phenotype.  It was found that the estrogen receptors “ERα and ERβ appeared upregulated, an effect suggestive of reduced ligand availability supporting a hypothesis for decreased perinatal testosterone in F2-S males” (Morgan & Bale, 2011). 

The researchers continued to look for other differences and found that three miRNA’s (that help to regulate gene families in early neurodevelopment) expression seemed to be dysmasculinized including two that were significantly affected by the parental paternal prenatal stress.  All three of the effected miRNA had β-glycan as a target.  β-glycan is involved in regulating gonadal hormones like testosterone within the Leydig cells and pituitary gonadotrophs which can affect the dysmasculinization of the brain during development leading to sexually atypical behavior (Morgan & Bale, 2011).  The study also looked at how miRNA expression affected sexual differentiation in the perinatal brain. 

This was found through the use of an aromatase inhibitor, which prevented the testosterone from being converted to estradiol, which dysmasculinized the environment around the miRNA.  After these males underwent testing, it was found that the male miRNA;s were not distinguishable from the control females.  This data indicates a strong ability of organizational hormones on the expression of brain miRNA during the perinatal period.  Along with the evidence of the effect of epigenetic mechanisms on gonadal hormones that influence sexual differentiation during development.  (Morgan & Bale, 2011).  This study helps strengthen the epigenetic argument of homosexuality because of the effect that was found from stress in previous generations and gene expression in subsequent generations in regards to dysmasculinization of behaviors.  Despite these advances, there is still future research that needs to be done. 

7)    Future Research

In their paper titled “Homosexuality via Canalized Sexual Development: A Testing Protocol for a New Epigenetic Model,” Rice, Friberg, and Gavrilets (2013) explain several observations that they have made while combing through studies on homosexuality, that can be explained better through an epigenetic model rather than a genetic model.  First, these observations conclude that homosexuality has a substantial heritability; however it has a low concordance when studied with both sexes of identical  twins.  Also, genetic markers are found in high density, but they don’t significantly associate with homosexuality.  Second, homosexuality has too high of an occurrence among animal populations to be caused by a mutation, and homosexuality is not affected by natural selection.  Third, genetic mutations involving androgen levels don’t seem to affect the sexual orientation of these individuals.  The authors of this article then discuss how these different problems can be tested to find epigenetic underpinnings.

            The first hypothesis that the authors suggest involves the inheritance of homosexuality and how it can be tested via an epigenetic model.  The authors Rice, Friberg, and Gavrilets (2013) predict that an epigenetic model can be tested by studying and comparing the epigenetic profiles of “human embryonic stem cells” between heterosexual females and males and their homosexual counterparts.  They predict that there will be a possibility of consistent differences in these epigenetic profiles in regards to sexual dimorphic epigenetic marks, which then would make the best candidates for finding those marks that cause the homosexual phenotype.  The authors then say if this does not work, it can be narrowed down to focus around epigenetic androgen signaling.  This model could help determine where these epigenetic marks are, or could lead to finding greater correlations between various systems that could help with the understanding of homosexuality. 

            The second hypothesis speaks on how homosexuality does not fit with natural selection and is too high and consistent to justify a mutation and therefore may be explained through an epigenetic model.  The authors suggest that the best way to study this would be to use adult stem cells from homosexuals and heterosexuals and compare them to determine the difference in epigenetic marks that could help explain how they developed prenatally.  This would have to be done with deceased individuals that have been preserved and prepared properly.  An alternative to this would be to use hair follicle stem cells which can be differentiated into stem cells of the three embryonic layers.  The stem cells will then have to be tested to see if they indeed do contain the needed information of epigenetic markings.  If these stem cells make good candidates, then the stem cells of homosexual and heterosexual people of the same sex can be compared.  The difference that the research can search for is the presence of “gonad-discordant epigenetic marks.”  The authors say that failure to find these marks would prove this specific hypothesis wrong, because it would mean that no differences were found between homosexual and heterosexual people in regards to these specific epigenetic markings (Rice, Friberg, & Gavrilets, 2013). If these marks were found the third hypothesis could then be studied using the same technique as above.  In order to determine the reason why mutations do not affect sexual orientation of the individual in regards to androgen signaling. 

8)    Conclusion

Scientists have continued to seek out the cause of homosexuality within the human and animal population and have found great success.  The research however does not completely explain how all of the systems and chemicals in the body work together to create this phenotype.  Much is already known about homosexuality, but new research that is focused around the role of epigenetics in homosexuality is beginning to help explain this phenomenon in greater detail.  Scientists discovered physical differences in the structure of the brain between homosexuals and heterosexuals.  More studies are linking hormonal effects, which are considered one of the single most important determinants of homosexuality, with epigenetic controls on hormone signaling.  Genetics has also been found to play a role through the study of genome sequencing, multiple twin studies, and familial pedigrees.  Significantly, scientists have discovered the effect of dysmasculinization on mice via various different epigenetic triggers that are created by stressful events during the development of the male parent.  Even with all of this research, there is still room for future studies that can help explain the complex intersection between gender, sexual orientation, behavior, and physical characteristics. 

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