The Need For Spiritual Safety

My heart has grown heavy once again this year over recent deaths that have occurred from the Orlando mass shooting tragedy and also in the LDS LGBTQ community with news of more suicides.  Lives with so much potential were taken from this world.  Each one of them with their own hopes, dreams, talents, and gifts, senselessly snuffed out in acts of violence.  Whether that violence comes from a person armed with hate and a gun or from a pulpit that expresses moral justification in its condemnation of LGBTQ individuals, they all have one thing in common.  Each one of them dehumanizes and degrades people based on how they love, making it easier for others to feel justified in harming them.  Whether it is with misled good intentions mixed in with a feeling of moral superiority or evil intentions that only seek to harm, the result is still the same.  Heartache, sadness, broken families, and in the worst cases the death of these precious individuals who deserved more than what society ultimately gave them.   To all the people who may read my blog who have lost someone due to suicide or some other way I am truly sorry for your loss and I know that my words won't change what has happened.  I hope that my post can help others understand and have a greater capacity to empathize with others that may be suffering.  It is my hope that some day children growing up will not experience the pain that I and so many others have experienced at the hands of those who may not understand them or what they are going through.

Not only can violence be physical, it can also be emotional through abuse and neglect, it can be verbal with speech that seeks to degrade, harm, and diminish the worth of others, and it can be spiritual.  Spiritual violence is most often, in my own experience, used unknowingly by the person using it.  It can be a sermon or a lesson in Sunday school.  It can be a side remark or comment that may be said out of ignorance.  It can be a doctrine or set of beliefs that exclude certain groups of people, making individuals into inconveniences in what some want to be a static and unchanging belief system.  Ultimately, I think the most damage comes in an LGBTQ context when someone is outed leading to religious authorities, parents, and friends who do not understand them to use religious terminology to shame or to harm in order to change the person sexual orientation.  These type of messages although maybe well intentioned most of the time harm rather than help the child.  These words and actions from loved ones and trusted authorities can lead to isolation, depression, and sorrow which can tragically lead this person to take their own life.  What messages are we sending to children who are confused and hurting when over the pulpit LGBTQ people are derided as a menace to public safety and that acceptance of gay and lesbian children somehow will bring about the destruction of the world.  What messages are being sent when children whose romantic orientation doesn't fit a specific mold are told that they shouldn't exist in a church.  What is happening when that child grows up and falls in love and then is told that the love that they feel is sinful and evil.  When parents shun them and religious leaders condemn them this is spiritual violence and tragically this has led to many suicides of young LGBTQ children throughout the years.

How do we combat spiritual violence and protect those that are victims of this violence.  In some ways it first takes introspection on our own part on how we view the God that we say that we worship.  Is our God a homophobic God, a God that encourages rhetoric that leads to the deaths of children from suicide?  Does our God delight in children being thrown out of their homes by their parents and told that God does not love them? Or does our God that we worship truly express love for everyone?  Does he see everyone as equal in his sight and does he express sadness at the offense that is committed against one of his children?  Do we see the Divine in the diversity of human relationships and how people express their love for one another?  Does our spiritual community seek to build up and welcome all people or does it place a caveat at the door that says we welcome all except for those that we find unacceptable?

I have the utmost respect for those saints who have continued to attend the LDS church after this past November.  Who have seen the bad fruit that has been wrought by the rhetoric and policies directed at the LGBTQ Mormon community and have still moved forward in seeking to be place of refuge in the church for those who need it.  For me the pain became to unbearable and I couldn't stand staying.  However, although I am no longer in attendance I have realized that simply standing on the sidelines is not an option.  I truly felt this after speaking with so many other former gay and lesbian Mormons at the Community of Christ World Conference and hearing of the near universal stories of heartache and spiritual violence that they experienced.  As individuals with shared experiences it is my hope that we can find those spiritual refugees, those individuals that have been so harmed by the rhetoric that all too often is still being used.   My hope is that we can meet them where they are and provide them a space to heal and a space to once again branch out and reach their potential whether outside or inside organized religion.  It is my hope that  hearts will be softened toward those that are different.   That spiritual safety will be found for those children who fall in love with a person of the same gender.  It is my hope that everyone born can have a place at the table.  That all people may be welcomed into a place that recognizes their true worth.  It is my hope that we all can come together and create communities that seek after peace where every child has the right to belong.

Below is a hymn that has really touched me over the past two months since I have heard it.  It is a hymn that truly embodies for me the type of spiritual community that I feel can be possible.  The lyrics and the video are posted below.

"For Everyone born, a place at the table,
for everyone born, clean water and bread,
a shelter, a space, a safe place for growing,
for everyone born, a star overhead,

For woman and man, a place at the table,
revising the roles, deciding the share,
with wisdom and grace, dividing the power,
for woman and man, a system that's fair,

For young and for old, a place at the table,
a voice to be heard, a part in the song,
the hands of a child in hands that are wrinkled,
for young and for old, the right to belong,

For just and unjust, a place at the table,
abuser, abused, with need to forgive,
in anger, in hurt, a mindset of mercy,
for just and unjust, a new way to live,

For everyone born, a place at the table,
to live without fear, and simply to be,
to work, to speak out, to witness and worship,
for everyone born, the right to be free,

Chorus
and God will delight when we are creators
of justice and joy, compassion and peace:
yes, God will delight when we are creators
 of justice, justice and joy!

Joy: A Tale of Love and Marriage

      On July 1st 2014 I legally married the man of my dreams, on July 2nd we committed to support one another both spiritually and physically the rest of our lives and hopefully into the eternities.

       I met James during February of 2013.  When I met him, I was just starting to come out to close friends and people at school.  Previously, I had come to accept that I would stay in the closet forever and just work to remain celibate in all ways including any romantic relationships.  It wasn't until receiving very specific promptings that I decided to start coming out. I wrote a little bit about this first coming out and my experiences in the LGBT community here. I came out to some very specific close friends.  This initial coming out eventually led me to coming out publicly January of this year, which you can read here.

       During the first stages of my coming out, I met a lot of different people.  Including someone very special to me.  We met when I first walked into the office of the LGBTQ organization on my campus.  He was tall, good looking, and couldn't get enough of me.  When we met I was not looking for any relationships.  In fact, I made it a point to tell everyone who asked that I was not interested.

       One Friday night we had a movie night at the school.  The whole time James was flirting with me and I am not going lie I really enjoyed it.  It wasn't like when I attempted to flirt with girls.  This one felt natural, fun, and a little thrilling as well.   He told me that night that he wanted to date me.  He at the time was leaving a very bad relationship and was looking to fill the void left in him.

      What he wanted was for me to say yes.  The answer he got was something he didn't expect and one that would have one of the greatest impacts on both of our lives.  I bore my testimony and told him no.

      That same morning I was driving back home from the school.  While I was driving, I had an incredibly powerful experience, one that I can only describe as indescribable and sacred.  I knew that God was pleased with me and that I had done what God had been preparing me to do.

One week later, while James was out with a friend he felt prompted to go to church.  James had been baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints almost a decade before.  He ended up falling away due to misunderstandings and painful experiences caused by members.  He had almost no support and  no other members of his family were in the church.  He struggled and eventually became distant from God.  Although there were specific moments that he remembers where God continued to guide him.

      When I first met him, he was at the lowest point in his life.  He was leaving an eight year relationship and he felt that God couldn't hear him or wouldn't hear him.  In his loneliness and despair he cried out to God for help.  A week later I came into his life.

      We became close friends, we even fell in love but we wouldn't admit it.  James was working through a lot of problems and I was trying to figure out who I was at the time.  This growing we both were going through in hindsight needed to happen with us just being friends.

So we kept moving along.  James progressed tremendously at this time.  He became closer to God and happier.  This went on until the late fall of 2013.

At this time we both felt stuck spiritually, I felt that God knew how I could progress.  I knew there was something important ahead of me, but I couldn't figure out what it was.  This was the same for James.

Right before Thanksgiving, I was praying to God,  I was seeking fervently to find the way he wanted me to go.  Once again, I had to give up all my preconceptions and notions about God's will.  I had to put my will on the alter before him and accept whatever it was he wanted me to do.  Only then did I feel a new prompting, one that brought me peace but also apprehension.  I felt the spirit move me to begin a deeper relationship with James.  I didn't know where it would take me, but once again I knew I needed to trust in my Heavenly Father and in the promptings from the Holy Ghost.

We started dating and a few days later I knew I was progressing again.  The spirit began to return and peace entered into my heart where it had been missing.

A few weeks after that, we both felt prompted that God would give his permission for both of us to marry.  James was the one who proposed.   He couldn't afford a ring but that didn't matter to me.  I accepted his proposal with a heart full of joy and a spirit full of peace.

         After a 7 month engagement we got married at the courthouse in Somerset, Maryland.  The courthouse was beautiful and I remember looking into James' eyes as the magistrate read out the words.  I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness at what we were about to commit too, but it was all washed away by a wonderful feeling of happiness that the day had finally come.

        The next day was the wedding celebration on Yorktown Beach.  It was a busy day but in the end when I got to stand up in front of my family and friends and make a commitment to the love of my life, everything became worth it.  All the struggles, the heartaches, the wrestles with the spirit.  The pain of growing up gay in the LDS church and in the United States.  The loneliness and terror of the possibility of being found out.  It all became worth it as I said I do.  Happiness and peace poured through me and settled deep into my heart.  I still do not understand many things and I do not know God's purposes, but what I do know is that if we trust in Him we need not fear.  We don't need to know everything.  I know that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God.  For now I walk with faith in Jesus Christ and the atonement.  I have faith that the Holy Ghost will continue to guide my husband and I as we trust in his will.  Life is a journey and I am grateful to God for helping me find my best friend to take the journey with me.

                                                 Both of our families on the York River.

I Found God in the LGBTQ Community.

I have been thinking about writing this post for a while. Since my coming out I have truly experienced an outpouring of love and support of which I am tremendously grateful.  My journey of coming out started in November of 2012 and has led me to places and people that I never would have imagined knowing and experiencing that night I came out to my parents.  God truly is wonderful and patient and has touched my heart in ways I could have scarcely comprehended just a little over a year ago.

After coming out to my parents, I attended my Spring Semester at school and I endeavored to start coming out to very close friends of mine.  This was harder than I had anticipated.  Keeping something secret for eleven years and hoping it would go away is hard to talk about.  It was a difficult but also transformative process in many ways.   I started feeling like I was becoming a more genuine person as I shared this part of myself with others.  Not only that but I felt closer to God.  I felt God was pleased with me being honest with this part of myself.  I began walking through my day to day life with a renewed vigor and hope.  I felt like a burden was beginning to be lifted off of me and that the Atonement of Christ was working in my life to lift that self-inflicted burden.This brought a spiritual healing that I most desperately needed. I felt God prompt me in my day to day life, I felt like I was becoming a better person and closer to God.

One day last year, on a normal day I felt God prompt me in a direction that I had not anticipated.  I was prompted to go to a meeting of my school's LGBTQ organization on campus.  This was something that left me confused and nervous.  At this time I had only known a handful of gay people and then not extremely well.  I had never been taught any overtly anti-gay things.  What I had learned was that marriage was between Man and Woman. I also heard the youth  make gay jokes making it seem like it was  something to be mocked, scandalous, or dirty.  This compounded with homosexuality being a taboo discussion in LDS congregations and that no older gay people that I could tell were in my ward.  So I automatically assumed, just like I feel many other people do, that LGBT people were sinners that have shunned God and that they were devoid of  natural love and were lost in the lusts of the flesh,  which created in me an internalized homophobia toward myself.  I hated myself because I was one of those awful sinners.  Coming out allowed me the opportunity to push off this burden of self-hatred, but I would soon find out that God had so much more for me to learn about others as well as learning about myself.

Going to the meeting left in me a certain anxiety because of what I had heard about gay people.  I felt scared that I would be tempted and be led down a path that would be destructive to my soul.  All these things jumbled in my mind and put a fear in my heart. Even with all this opposition I followed the prompting.  I went to a meeting and luckily saw a friend there who I was able to sit with. So we sat together and the meeting began.

I was at this point incredibly nervous.  Here I was sitting in a meeting with gay people as if it was a disease that I could catch.  The thing that I took most from the meeting surprised me.  This surprise came from how normal everybody seemed.  They laughed and joked like everyone else and we actually talked a little about The Hunger Games afterward.   It was an experience that surprised me more than I think I anticipated.  These people treated me well and we talked and socialized.  I also found out that there were other LGBTQ Mormons like me.

I eventually was led to find another gay Mormon.  This experience became the most touching and powerful spiritual experiences of my life.  This experience is very private.  The fact that I had this experience is one of the reasons I know that God brought me down the path that he did and it truly reinforced my faith and devotion to him.

But God wasn't done with me yet.  I felt very welcome by everyone, much more than I had ever felt while in college.  I was invited to parties that actually turned out to be the most moral parties that I had ever seen in college.  We ate ghost peppers, played games like catchphrase, and watched movies.  The company was wonderful and the food was great.  Really for one of the first times in my life I felt like I truly fit in and was accepted.  This made a truly stark contrast to what I was led to believe and what I thought was truth in how gay people were.  They were normal people who were just as bad or as good as heterosexuals there was nothing sinister or evil about them.   However there seemed to be something that was different, something that I knew God wanted me to learn from them.

As the weeks and months went on I was invited to be a volunteer at the Equality Virginia Commonwealth Dinner.  I accepted and was interested to see how the dinner would go.  It was going to be the largest gathering of LGBTQ people and allies that I would ever have been too.  The purpose of the dinner itself was both a place to commemorate exceptional LGBTQ people in Virginia and also a place for political fundraising toward various causes.  It wasn't the politics or anything so worldly that caught my attention.  I still was trying to figure out more of what it was God wanted me to learn.  Something else much deeper and richer touched my soul at this meeting.

I felt a powerful love that filled the whole room.  It was a unique kind of love that I had never experienced not even in a church congregation.  The spirit filled my soul and testified of it too me.  Thinking through it later I realized that I felt no judgement from the people in the room.  As I thought on this I realized that many of the people sitting at the tables in that room had experienced pain and abandonment from their families.  The majority had been forced from their congregations and places of worship for the soul reason of being born the wrong way.  These people understood the sharp knife of judgement and hate toward them.  They felt the pain of being abandoned left for nothing and treated as less than human.  

This treatment from others in my view taught them what love really is.  Love is something that is unconditional it is something that doesn't see sexual orientation, race, or creed.  It is something that looks beyond earthly prejudices.  It isn't love the sinner hate the sin.  It is pure and simply love that sees no judgement.  As I looked out on that group of people.  I saw people that are as Christ taught "the least of these."   In God's great mercies whether they realized it or not.  He had taught them through their trials what true love really means.

I had found Christ among them.

Never in any congregation had I felt the same love and lack of judgement as I felt there.  It was something that was very moving.  The only time I had felt that same type of love was from God himself when I was on my knees crying to him to take this away from me.  When I was seeking to accept myself and when God spoke in my heart his acceptance for me.

This was when I knew what I saw that was different in the people I had met and got to know.  In a way the people of the LGBTQ community understood better in their journeys on this earth, what love is.  Every person I met were in different stages of life and all had there imperfections and challenges, but this one thing seemed to resonate in them in a more profound way than most other people I have known.

A certain scripture comes to mind that connects with this experience it comes from 1 John 4: 18-21 it reads:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:
If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also."

"45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

 47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. If ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity,"

Moroni 7: 45-47

I think the part of Charity that most, if not all there understood was that true love, Christ like love, endures forever.  Many had felt the sting of family members taking away their love for them on the basis of their romantic orientation.  Many saw religious leaders preach the love of Christ from the pulpit and then tell them they did not deserve his love in private.  But God's love is never ending and never changing and the atonement reaches toward all.  They truly have endured all things, and have hoped through adversity.

Judge not, that ye be not Judged.  Matthew 7:1

Only God can judge, to us we are only commanded to love and accept our brothers and sisters where they are, who they are, and who they love and want to spend the rest of their life with, they are all Sons and Daughters of God.  This is a wonderful video of how one woman learned from God that all she needed to do was to love unconditionally her gay brother and son.






 Other good resources,
LDSwalkwithyou.org
mormonsandgays.org
http://affirmation.org/
http://northstarlds.org/
voicesoflove.org

"As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender."  Quentin L. Cook

An Open Letter to LDS Members and Priesthood Leaders

This is an open letter to all members and Priesthood Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  This letter is about a Young Man that I know who is going through a very difficult time.  This is a real person who is going through real challenges.  Many people like him have suffered and are currently suffering in the dark.  This story is all too common and affects many people and families within the LDS Church and outside the LDS church.  I implore you to read this and realize that there are children who are going through the same ordeals in every stake and in a good portion of our congregations.  This was specifically written for a particular stake but I think it can apply to almost every stake in Zion.  

To members and Priesthood Leaders,

  I have recently been in contact with a young member of the church within your stake.  I won't name any names and I have been given permission to share a little of his story.  This young man is currently in his senior year of high school.  He is a wonderful young man with a strong faith in God.  He recently came out to his family, friends, and church leaders as being gay.  According to his account of what he is experiencing after coming out there has been very little Christ like sympathy coming from many people in his life.  His parents have been un-accepting of him and his father has threatened to kick him out of his home.  He has described to me a very antagonistic atmosphere where most family home evenings are spent discussing his sinful nature and his destiny for eternal damnation.  He has been regarded as disgusting, deviant, and revolting.   

I do not doubt that his family loves him.  It sounds like his mother is seeking to understand what he is going through.  Unfortunately in regards to this issue there is too much misinformation that people have grown up on that is hard to reconcile.   Many members have been taught their whole lives that Homosexuals would not be found in our congregations and that they are sinful, unnatural, and antithetical to God.   His parents have felt that this is a choice that he has made when that simply isn't true.  If they were to realize that he didn't choose this they would have a greater compassion for him.  

His Bishop has expressed love for him but has a hard time understanding what he is going through.  He has been asked to not take part in the youth program, his bishop says it is because he has graduated from it, his father says it's because he's gay.  He has described the bewilderment and discomfort of many of the members when he came out.  He doesn't feel comfortable at church and usually wants to leave after sacrament meeting.  

Along with what's happening at church, at school he has been openly mocked and ridiculed for being gay.  He has become the victim of bullying many times.  Luckily he has a group of friends that are very supportive of him.

This young man because of the pressure and hurt he is receiving has been contemplating suicide.  This suicidal ideation seems to be stemming from the constant negative and hurtful comments and feelings that are coming from his home and ward.  He has expressed his willingness and want to follow God's will but it seems people think that because he is Gay it is impossible for him to do so.  

I am bringing this young man to your attention because of the seriousness of this issue.  I do not believe he is the only one within your stake who is feeling the same ostracism, hurt, and pain from the people that should be at the foremost for expressing love to them.

I have spoken with many LGBT Mormons, unfortunately most of them are inactive.  This isn't because of their "sinful nature" or an act of rebellion, it's because of the ignorance and pain they have felt from the members of their wards.  These children of our Heavenly Father have expressed a deep desire and want to come back and sing the songs of Zion with the saints of God.  They also want to be open with their sexual orientation while there.  I have experienced this as well.  When an LGBT, SSA person within our congregations is not open with this part of themselves.  They feel isolated, they feel that their relationships are not genuine and that they are living a lie that they are telling through omission.  It is a deeply painful and lonely experience.

There is always a constant fear that if anyone found out they would be tossed aside and thrown out for something they had no choice in.  There are many young children in your congregations who feel this exact same way.  Children who are precious and pure and who love God, love our Savior, and want to follow him.

These children instead of hearing love and compassion from the pulpit, the only time homosexuality is mentioned is with negativity, and is discussed as a sinful nature that is antithetical to God.  These children are told that they are akin to murderers and pedophiles,  that they are somehow diseased and disgusting. (Yes Priesthood leaders have said this including prophets and apostles). These pure and precious children, some as young as 10, hear this and their souls are horribly wounded.  Their precious beautiful souls are afflicted and damaged by these members and priesthood leaders. They become afraid to tell anyone because of the terror that the words of others have created in them.

(On a side note, I am a worthy and practicing member of the LDS church who completely sustains and respects my leaders.  I do know that people look at the world through the lens of their own personal experience and can be mistaken or have a different understanding born of their upbringing.  And that's ok, God works with imperfect people and the church has since moved away from those previous statements regarding homosexuals as they have learned more about the plight of LGBT members.  This reversal is starting to take hold among the general membership and of that I am grateful.  A group I highly recommend is Mormons Building Bridges.  MBB is a grassroots group that seeks to build a bridge between the LDS and LGBTQ community.  They have a Facebook Group that I recommend people check out.)

These wonderful children are those that Christ spoke of when he said that, whoever would offend them it would be better that a millstone be hung around their necks and they be cast into the depths of the sea.  A wonderful talk given by Robert A Rees describes the way this hurt and pain can be rectified.  

"Part of what it means to be a Christian is that through the grace of Christ we have the capacity to imagine what it is like to suffer as another person suffers. It is impossible to do this if we have anger, hatred or revulsion for the other. Such imaginative projection is possible only within the context of love. Thus, those who revile and persecute homosexuals, who treat them as if they are flawed or have some kind of sinister agenda, cannot possibly take on their suffering, cannot possibly hope to feel what they feel, but those whose compassion is inspired by Christ, can feel, at least to some degree, what it must be like to be anathema to society. We can imagine what it must feel like to be taught to hate our own bodies, to be condemned for feeling what we naturally feel, to be denied normal fellowship within Christ’s kingdom, and to want to blot out our deep soul suffering through suicide."

Unfortunately, instead of members of his familiy and church seeking to use the grace of God to understand how he feels and the pain he's going through.  He has been met with unkindness, hatred, and even misguided counsel that doesn't fit with reality.

I told him to read my blog post of my coming out.  He did and asked as well if God accepted him and loved him for who he is.  Immediately he said he felt an outpouring of the spirit of love from God completely the opposite of what he has been feeling from members of the church.  Never had he been told by his priesthood leaders or parents or members to go to Heavenly Father for guidance in regards to this.  Too many times it's only God who expresses love for these children.  

I am very passionate about this because I have felt how he feels.  I too am gay and have felt the bitter sting of the words of others.  Children should not be taught to despise their God given bodies.  A child should never feel that if they were truthful they would not be loved by those they care about.  The church and the leaders have failed in this regard, many children besides the young man I have spoken of have been kicked out of their homes by their families and bullied to the point of suicide.  And sadly many of them are lost to us forever.  All their potential blown away from the barrel of a gun, the bitterness of an overdose, or the shock of oncoming traffic.  Their souls destroyed and helpless, left ragged and torn from the words of their priesthood leaders and members of their congregations and families.  They feel that God doesn't love them.    

These are the words of Mary Griffith whose Son Bobby Griffith committed suicide because of the pain he felt from his mother who refused to accept him.  

“ I realize how depraved it was to instill false guilt in an innocent child's conscience, causing a distorted image of life, God, & self, leaving little if any feeling of personal worth.” 
― Mary Griffith

Their souls are precious to God and he knows each one of them.  Jesus Christ taught love, compassion, mercy, charity, and patience.  He was never against anyone.  The one's who He spoke the most against were those who unrighteously judged the people who were deemed unworthy, and treated others with disdain or enmity.  Christ however taught a simple way,  Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and love thy neighbor as thyself.  Simple, love is the solution.  

This love is not a judgmental love or loving from afar.   This love requires action, if we are to follow the example of Christ and take upon ourselves his name.  To serve others we must hear their stories, learn and listen.  Christ takes care of everything else and will lead us to what we must do.  This does not mean to briefly mention it during a talk or lesson, this means actively seeking out those who have been hurt and trying to fix the wrongs committed.  This means standing up and saying in your meetings not just the words, God loves everyone, which is true and very unspecific, but that God loves all his children no matter what race or creed you belong, no matter who you are, and yes no matter what your sexual orientation or gender identity is. Mary Griffith wonderfully expressed these sentiments in a speech (This is part of the condensed version from the movie "Prayers for Bobby," and the real speech with no changes from me.  This speech is about her story of accepting her son and his death.

"Homosexuality is a sin. Homosexuals are doomed to spend eternity in hell. If they wanted to change, they could be healed of their evil ways. If they would turn away from temptation, they could be normal again if only they would try and try harder if it doesn't work. These are all the things I said to my son Bobby when I found out he was gay. When he told me he was homosexual my world fell apart. I did everything I could to cure him of his sickness. Eight months ago my son jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I deeply regret my lack of knowledge about gay and lesbian people. I see that everything I was taught and told was bigotry and de-humanizing slander. If I had investigated beyond what I was told, if I had just listened to my son when he poured his heart out to me I would not be standing here today with you filled with regret. I believe that God was pleased with Bobby's kind and loving spirit. In God's eyes kindness and love are what it's all about. I didn't know that each time I echoed eternal damnation for gay people each time I referred to Bobby as sick and perverted and a danger to our children. His self esteem and sense of worth were being destroyed. And finally his spirit broke beyond repair. It was not God's will that Bobby climbed over the side of a freeway overpass and jumped directly into the path of an eighteen-wheel truck which killed him instantly. Bobby's death was the direct result of his parent's ignorance and fear of the word gay. He wanted to be a writer. His hopes and dreams should not have been taken from him but they were. There are children like Bobby sitting in our congregations.  Unknown to you, they will be listening to your 'Amens' as they silently cry out to God in their hearts.  Their cries will go unnoticed for they cannot be heard above your 'Amens'. Your fear and ignorance of the word gay will soon silence their cries.  Before you echo'Amen' in your home or place of worship, think and remember... a child is listening."

Mary A Griffith

“As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let's not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender,"
– Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of Twelve ApostlesFom the website mormonsandgays.org.


Thank you for reading this letter,  I hope it will help spur others to action as Quentin L. Cook exhorts us to do.  I call upon everyone regardless of religious belief or lack thereof to be more active in making our congregations and society a safe place for LGBT people both young and old.  So that they may be able to follow the spirit and become the children of God that God intended them to be.  Let's replace fear with love and misunderstanding with compassion.  For we are all in need of the grace of God and we are all dependent upon the ultimate sacrifice that Christ made for us.  

Thank you for your time and God bless you in your endeavors.